Nearly everyone of every gender has the potential to be both the violator and the violated.
When I first read Babe.net’s now-infamous account of one woman’s violating sexual encounter with Aziz Ansari, I thought back to the frat boy who pressured me into giving oral sex in college. And the date in New York who took my shirt off after I told him I just wanted to kiss. And the one in San Francisco who grabbed my boob out of nowhere in Dolores Park.
Only after days of mulling over these stories and thinking about how every woman has one did I think back to the time I wanted to have sex with my ex and he wanted to play his guitar and call it a night. “I just feel like relaxing tonight,” he told me as I ran my hands over him. With my hopes crushed and my ego bruised, I strategized: I would take off my clothes and lie on the floor naked until he’d feel too guilty to refuse. It worked. I convinced myself I had turned him on, but in the morning, he told me he’d done it for the reason I’d secretly anticipated: He didn’t want me to feel bad...
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